


The Stars Didn't Align Quite Right

by ifnotfornatasha



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Angst, Depression, F/M, Gina Linetti is a Good Bro, Hurt Jake Peralta, Jake Peralta Needs a Hug, Not Sophia Perez Friendly, Pining Amy Santiago, Pre-Relationship, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Relationships, i probably should have put more thought into the order of these tags but it's too late now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-07 03:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15900282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifnotfornatasha/pseuds/ifnotfornatasha
Summary: Usually, both people know when they've broken up. But Jake Peralta is nothing if not out of the ordinary.Aka, Amy's single but only wanting to mingle with one man. That man is Jake Peralta, who happens to be dating Sophia Perez. It goes well for no one. Gina's just there for the ride.





	1. I Should Have Loved You Harder

Jake Peralta wanted to marry Sophia Perez.

They hadn't really talked marriage, or at all lately, but he wanted it. Craved the confirmation of their love; needed it.

At the start of their relationship, nearly a year ago, they'd gotten together fantastically: like gummy bears and fruit roll ups. But recently, the rhythm they'd had before had sort of... fallen out of tune.

Sophia said that she was loaded down with work and Jake said that he was too, even though work was normal and he spent most of his time at their apartment waiting for her to get home. She didn't need to know how depressing he was.

He'd seen her laughing with one of her male coworkers when he'd come to pick her up, car parked across the street and three spaces away from where it had been last time because Sophia didn't want him to be seen. Whoever this guy was, he'd walked her to the curb and the big smile she'd had while talking to him had disappeared when she went to cross the street. Jake wanted to be the reason she smiled too. But the road home was silent, neither of them trying at conversation. Sophia, because she was too concerned with whatever was out the window, the place she'd grown up in and had never left, and Jake because Sophia seemed tired and he didn't want to bother her.

The walk up to her apartment was silent as well, as were the first steps into said apartment. He was the one who broke that silence.

"Anything in mind for dinner?"

"I'm actually going out with my friends from work."

"Oh, okay."

He'll just order takeout then.

Sophia's already erased herself from the main living space. Jake supposes she's getting ready for her night out and he supposes right, because the shower starts up a few minutes later.

She goes out with her friends a lot. A lot of her friends are male, but if Jake's allowed to have female friends then she's allowed to have male ones. He doesn't have her on a leash, he isn't allowed to wonder why she goes out nearly every night, excluding the days where she works _(is it work?)_ so hard that she just gets home and crashes on the bed without a word.

Most things between them are without a word. Sophia isn't much of a talker anymore.

He tried breaching the subject of their relationship once, and she'd shut him down almost immediately.

_(("Why don't we talk anymore?"_

_"Leave me alone, Jake."_

_"No, really, communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship; I read that in a Cosmopolitan once."_

_"I'm tired. I'm going to bed."))_

So he let her be after that. He isn't her keeper. She has her own life. He's okay with that.

Sophia leaves the bedroom after a little while. Jake doesn't check the time. He's trying to beat a level of Kwazy Cupcakes on his phone. He's far surpassed all of his Facebook friends, since he generally has no extracular activities, hoping that one of these days, Sophia and he will go out on a date.

She's all done up, like how she dressed up when they were in the early stages of their relationship. They don't really go out together anymore, but they both have pretty time consuming jobs, so that's fine.

She always comes back to him and that's all he needs.

_((except for a few times when she didn't come home. She slept over at some guy named Jaxon's place and Jake can't help but wonder if this is the same Jaxon who makes her smile at work, something that Jake can't do anymore. Jealous, is the word for it. But jealousy is an ugly emotion, so he pushes that feeling away.))_

•

Jake knows this isn't the ideal relationship. Usually, couples have a few conversations a day, not a few sentences (if he's lucky.) But he still loves her. This is a busy season for her and her coworkers, he googled it, so in a few weeks, they'll be all fine and dandy.

He dreams of her sometimes. A lot, if he's going to be honest. He dreams of them, out on a coffee date, chatting while she smiles big and wide, laughing with him (he doesn't see her laughing in the dream, just knows that she is.) He dreams of surprising her with a ring, sinking to one knee while she jumps out of her chair, surprised but gleeful. Her hands shaking as they clap over her mouth in an attempt to conceal her squeals before she whispers, _"Yes, Jake, I love you, yes, a million times yes."_

He slips the ring on her finger and the people around them clap menacingly before he wakes to realize that his alarm is blaring at him and he's crying.

Jake doesn't tell anyone about the dream, but he keeps wishing that it would happen.

_((the part of him that says that it will never happen is pushed to the back burner as he tries to set that thought on fire to erase it from existence._

_He can't help but hope that Sophia would at least crack a smile, but he can't really remember what that would look like, directed at him.))_

•

One night he dreams of kissing Amy. It's nice and warm, stirs a fuzzy feeling in his gut.

He wakes up sobbing and confused. He staves off a panic attack until he gets to work and locks himself in the evidence room.

•

It happens on a pleasant Thursday evening, the worst day of the week.

It was supposed to be easy, like giving candy to a baby but the candy is jail and the baby is the perp. Jake runs after her, Nicolette Bardot, but she had hid behind the door, which she then smashed into his face. He falls hard on his back. She straddles his body and forces a kiss onto his lips because she's an absolute psycho.

His first reaction is to scrunch up his face and try to push her off while panicking, what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck, but his second thought is that this is the first kiss he's had in... well, a long time. And even though it's awful and he hates this, hates Nicolette, hates his body for responding; a dark part of him is revelling in the first romantic touch of months.

And he hates that. Hates himself.

His efforts to get Nicolette off of him double, but it's less of a calculated thing and more of a wild panic, arms flailing around him.

Amy swoops in and saves the day, but then Nicolette pulls out a gun; must've gotten it off her ex.

He doesn't think too hard about how he wants to put that gun in his mouth.

Nicolette does it for him. Somewhat.

She tries to shoot Jake in the heart, but after a frantic ~~_perfect_~~ Amy tries to grab or at least redirect the gun, Nicolette only manages to hit somewhere around his stomach. He can't tell, because the pain feels like it's everywhere. He winces and falls against the door frame with a yelp.

He slides to the ground and leans forward so the frame isn't digging into his back. His stomach burns with the movement and Jake does his best to quell the oncoming tears. He shuts his eyes for a moment, hands desperately clutching at the bullet wound, trying to clot the bleeding.

When he opens his eyes again, Nicolette is in cuffs and Amy is speaking but all Jake can do is try to stand while attempting to remember how to breathe. He closes his eyes again and he can't decide if that was a conscious decision.

The next time he opens his eyes he's in a hospital. Amy must have saved him. Good on her. She's great. A hand is clutching his and he tries to open his eyes but quickly shuts them again when the room proves to be too bright.

The hand's thumb is gently tracing circles onto his. It must be Sophia.

He thinks he says "hi" to her, but he can't be sure. His next words are "I love you" and he hopes he says them out loud. Mostly, he hopes she says them back.

•

When he wakes up again, Amy is sleeping in a chair beside him. It's dark outside. He supposes that she's taking over for Sophia. That's sweet of her.

He wonders if Sophia is worried. If she wanted him to phone when he woke up. If she would care if he did.

It's better safe than sorry, Jake thinks, even though he's never genuinely thought that in his entire life.

He tries to get up, get to his phone, and even though he's hopped up on drugs, he can still feel some lingering pain. He wheezes and that's all it takes for Amy to wake up.

_"Jake!"_

"Hey, Ames." he says with a loopy grin. He is _so_ high.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Like I got shot." Jake replies with humor. It has the desired effect and Amy gives him a Look, one that means she's not impressed with the inappropriate timing, but also, somewhere deep down, she's laughing with him.

"How are you really feeling, smartass?"

"Really, really high."

"Yeah, they stuck a lot of drugs in you. You got lucky though, nothing important was hit."

"I'd say my stomach is pretty important."

Amy rolls her eyes. "You know what I mean. Plus, we both know you're still gonna brag over your new _super cool scar_."

At the last part, she drops her voice and makes it sound all goofy.

"Is that what I sound like to you?"

"A little more stupid."

Jake laughs, ignoring the fact that his stomach is so not into that.

They lapse into a mostly comfortable silence.

"So how'd you get in here anyway?" Jake wonders. Amy stops. "What do you mean?"

"Isn't it usually just family?"

Amy ducks her head, smoothing down her shirt. She looks up and puts on her perfect I'm-pretending-I'm-totally-innocent face, which is totally adorable. Scratch that last part. He has a girlfriend. (Although Amy really is quite adorable.)

"Yes." Amy says, dragging it out a little. Jake says nothing. She's Amy, she can never lie for long.

Amy heaves out a sigh, "Fine! I told them that we were, y'know, maybe..."

She looks up at him nervously.

"... Married." she finishes.

Jake stares. Bursts out laughing. Amy pretends to be annoyed, but she's laughing a little too.

"That must've been awkward when Sophia came." Jake snorts. Amy looks suddenly looks awkward, but she nods and agrees, "Oh yeah, totally."

Jake knows she's lying to him. Sophia probably didn't even–

Nope. He's not thinking about that. She was holding his hand earlier ~~_even though that might have actually been Amy_ ~~ so she had to have been there. He got shot, she wouldn't leave him alone.

"Are we poly now?" Jake jokes, even though he's pretty sure Amy knows he knows she's lying. They keep up the façade anyway.

"Yeah, we had a three way marriage. All three of us wore wedding dresses and you looked the prettiest."

"Don't you mean beautifulest?" Jake replies, thinking back to Thanksgiving.

"I don't know if I even want to acknowledge that monstrosity."

They banter for a little longer, until Jake falls asleep half-way through a sentence, and the last thought he has is that this is what he's supposed to have with Sophia.

But he has it with Amy.

•

Jake decides to not talk about being in the hospital.

An evil voice says that it's because he doesn't want it confirmed that she didn't even know or maybe didn't even care that he'd gotten shot.

When he's cleared to go home, it's late and he crashes into bed, mourning the empty space beside him. He wonders if she's with Jaxon. Jaxon, who makes her laugh. Jaxon, who she talks to more than her own boyfriend. Jaxon, who gets to see her way more than Jake does (like, really see her. Not just look at her, but _see_ her.) Jaxon, who's so much better than Jake because he has an x in his name. He was pretty much born to be super cool, because of that fucking x.

Jake doesn't really sleep that night.

Just looks at the ceiling. The ceiling that doesn't have sharpied dicks on it like his old apartment did. The ceiling that doesn't have a ballet shoe lodged between the bent ceiling fan and the actual ceiling, like Gina's did.

His bed suddenly feels a little bit unfamiliar.

•

Since he's not allowed at work just yet, he's forced to spend his days moping around the apartment, breathing in the air of the rooms that have felt empty for weeks (months. But months is technically weeks and months makes it seem worse than it actually is.) Jake wonders if their landlord thinks they're mute. Or dead.

So he sits around on the couch, channel surfing, but not really paying attention to the TV at all.

He's staring at his left hand. His empty fingers. Thinks of Sophia's slender ones, the ones that don't touch him anymore.

An ad for a cleaner comes on. The happy-go-lucky, constantly smiling moustached guy on the screen is talking about how it can clean anything. He cleans the floor, the table, a t-shirt, a toilet and somebody's rings.

Jake wonders if Sophia loves him still.

_((or if she ever loved him at all. He doesn't think about it too hard.))_

•

It's been seven hours and Jake decides he's going to ask Sophia to marry him.

Maybe not the best plan he's ever had, considering they haven't really talked or seen each other at all for the past few weeks, but it's all or nothing. It's dramatic, but that's what he's known for isn't it?

Or maybe it's the painkillers talking.

No, no, this is definitely a good idea. He's supposed to be taking it easy, but if he's going to ask Sophia to marry him, he may as well make another dumb decision and go out on the town to buy her a ring.

_((he decidedly ignores the fact that he just called proposing a bad idea. He technically can't think of why it's a good idea, but he also can't think of any valid reason as to why he shouldn't._

_He's still hanging onto the fact that she loves him. The ring can help them start over. Show her that he's serious. That he really does love her. He tells himself that it's to show Sophia that he's really in it for the long run, but it's mostly because he wants to know if she'd even care._

_He can quite literally only dream.))_

•

Jake buys a ring, a simple one but he thinks that it's pretty nonetheless. He doesn't think Sophia would want a big flashy one, so he opts for just a gold band with what looks like their birthstones in the center; tiny stones that he's sure are just cheap nothingness but it makes him smile so he gets it. (Technically, everything makes him smile. He's high. He laughed at a bench earlier.)

Jake is pretty sure people usually spend way more than he did on engagement rings, but Sophia would want it simple. Yeah.

_((that evil voice also keeps coming back to him and this time it's telling him that it's actually because neither of them really want to get married. Like all the previous times, he elects to ignore this voice completely.))_

•

By the time Jake is mostly off of his painkillers, there's absolutely no denying that the marriage idea was awful. So he shoves the ring into the back of one of their drawers, hoping to forget about it but still hanging onto it because he's also hoping that it might happen one day.

Days pass, and Jake realizes he hasn't seen Sophia. At all. He thinks to phone her, but he doesn't know her work hours or if she's out with friends, in which case she wouldn't want to be bothered. A part of his heart breaks, but he doesn't cry because he's already cried enough in the past few weeks (yes, _just_ weeks) to last a life time.

So instead of phoning, he eats takeout that's old enough that he doesn't remember when he ordered it.

Amy comes by once, checks on him. She mentions that he doesn't look so great, but he deflects her concerns by reminding her that he always looks great because he's like, super hot. But he should definitely probably shower.

Gina breaks in another time but he doesn't know what day because he's stopped looking at the calendar and she mostly just complains about the abundance of Chinese in the fridge. Compares it to the insides of Hitchcock and Scully's stomachs.

He just doesn't feel like cooking.

_((not just because he feels too empty to move most of the time, but also because he's been dreaming of cooking for Amy. It had started as cooking for Sophia, but one day, Dream-Jake looked up at her face and it was Amy's instead._

_They laugh in the dream but Jake cries every time he wakes up.))_

•

Jake sees Sophia a few days later. She's walking in the door, laughing with the guy Jake had seen across the road a few times. Her hands are wrapped around his shoulder. Jake tries not to be jealous.

She turns to him and stops laughing. Pulls away from the guy.

Jake turns off the TV, immediately regretting his choice as silence engulfs them.

"You're back." Sophia states. Jake wants to protest, say, "No, you're the one who's back," but he's also the one who didn't even tell his girlfriend that he got shot.

_((and no, that was not him accepting that the hand was Amy. Because it wasn't. That was Sophia, who loved him.))_

"Yeah." Jake agrees. Jaxon (was this Jaxon?) coughs awkwardly.

"I thought he moved out." Jaxon whispers way too loudly. Sophia whispers a bit better than he did.

Jake's leg jiggles anxiously.

Jaxon leaves a minute later.

"I just came to pick up some stuff." Sophia explains. It's almost strange to hear her voice again. Jake just nods and she heads off into the bedroom.

He doesn't turn on the TV, because then Sophia might think he's too involved with their cable to speak with her. Then she'll leave and he'll be all alone again.

He doesn't want her to leave.

•

Sophia comes by a few times after that, never questioning why he's home when he ordinarily wouldn't be.

He doesn't know her work hours either, so he's not one to judge.

But one day after she's packed up a few more boxes, because apparently she's moving, she comes back into the living room, Jake still absentmindedly swiping his finger on the screen of Kwazy Cupcakes. It takes him a moment to realize she's looking at him. Like, looking at him. Not just in his general direction.

He looks back at her.

"Jake." she says. Her voice sounds shaky. He looks at her strangely.

She pulls out the seventy dollar ring he'd bought for her when he had been high. He was off the painkillers now. He was just "sick" according to Holt. He didn't even need to fake cough, Holt believed him straight away from the sound of his voice.

_((which had been wrecked, since he had just dreamt of Amy and him kissing, her pushing him down, pushing on the wound on his stomach and he'd woken up and just thought, "I can't fucking do this."_

_He's so pathetic.))_

"Were you–" she cuts herself off. Jake can't read her expression and he finds himself shrinking away from her. He pulls his sleeves around his wrists down further. He should've thrown the ring away.

"Were you going to ask me to marry you?"

She sounds incredulous. Like she'd just found a dildo with John Travolta's face on it instead of a ring.

Jake doesn't meet her eyes. "I was high. It was a mistake. I'm sorry."

She hasn't moved.

He realizes she doesn't know that it was a medically prescribed high. Oh well.

Jake dares to take a glance up at her, suddenly feeling very small. He hoped that maybe she was just surprised. He hoped that she'd let him off easy.

She looked furious. "Jake."

He presses his lips together, turns away.

"Why the hell would you ever think this would be a good idea."

It's a question, but she says it like an answer. In a way, it kind of was.

Her voice is still quivering.

He swallows and takes in a deep breath, staring at his hands. He feels like a five year old being scolded by his parents.

Jake tries a few times to speak, mouth gaping open and closed like a fish, before he settles on an answer. He looked up at her. "I wanted to know if you loved me."

He feels stupid.

"So you were going to ask me to marry you?" she shouts.

He burns at her words and murmurs, "I was high."

Sophia is clenching her fists hard, shakes her head. She turns around and Jake thinks that she might just leave without another word. Instead, she turns back to him and seeths, "I've been meaning to break up with you for months."

Jake winces, but deep down, he's known that for months as well.

"You've just always been so roped up in your job that I never got the chance." Sophia says, blatantly lying.

Jake remembers driving her home in silence. He remembers waiting for her to come home, sometimes to a fully cooked meal, only for her to drop in at midnight when the food is long put away and Jake is pretending to be sleeping. He remembers Sophia slowly distancing herself from Jake without a single explanation. He remembers being in the apartment for days, never leaving except to buy that cursed wedding ring, and never once did she come to the apartment.

He remembers waiting on her return, to confirm that she loved him or even just liked him, but she never did anything of the sort.

Jake thinks he might cry. He's been doing that a lot lately.

"Look, Jake," Sophia says, voice still laced with anger but attempting to be placating. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier. I'm dating someone else."

Jake's head snaps up. So much for giving her the benefit of the doubt when she had those sleepovers.

It's obvious by her tone that she doesn't think he requires this information or is deserving of this information. Maybe he isn't.

His voice comes out quieter and weaker than he would have liked. "What?"

"I thought it was pretty clear we weren't dating anymore."

"But I'm still living in your apartment."

It was his turn to sound incredulous.

"You said you had a crushing debt! I just thought–" Sophia straight up growls. She's shaking. "I was being _nice_."

Jake can't do anything but stare. He's sure his eyes are red.

"You can stay here if you want. There's rent for another month. I'm going back to Jaxon's."

Jake realizes that he's biting down on his lip. Hard.

Sophia turns and leaves, slamming the door behind her, leaving him in the dust.

•

Jake lumps his stuff into a box. Normally he'd probably have quite a few boxes, but he can't think straight. He just stuffs the first things of his he sees into a box until it's full. He doesn't take a car, because he always drove Sophia's. Instead, he waits for the bus, hauls the should-be-bigger box with him onto it, assures the driver it isn't drugs, flashes his badge, pays the fare and he's on his merry way.

He's not entirely sure where he's going but he presses the STOP button after a few minutes and steps off. It feels familiar.

The night sky stretches above him and Jake's arms grow tired. He manages to make it to a door he recognizes, but he doesn't remember how. He feels like a ragdoll. His body is moving by itself, because his mind is empty and cold. The aftermath of a blizzard.

He kicks the door a few times because his hands are full. The sound echoes loudly.

Gina opens the door a few minutes later after his kicking proceeds to become even more insistent. She's halfway through sleepily telling him to screw off when she realizes what's happening.

Jake drops the box onto her floor and it makes a lighter thump than he expected.

He wraps his arms around Gina and they're both uncomfortable but he doesn't really care. He knows she doesn't really mind. They've been uncomfortable since they were kids. She pats his back awkwardly and her hand finds his hair, fingers brushing his oily hair. He vaguely thinks that he should have showered.

Jake realizes that Gina is talking to him and that they've migrated to her couch.

"–ake. Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake."

She sounds like his alarm.

"She broke up with me." he whispers. He doesn't know how or why he ended up at Gina's, but he did. He remembers when they were kids, him crying and her begrudgingly comforting him. Her begrudgingly crying and him comforting her.

"Therapist Gina is open for business."

She makes him lay down on her couch but it makes him feel too open and exposed so he just curls up into a ball and props his head up on the armrest.

She sits on her table and he starts from the beginning.

•

He glosses over some of the Amy dreams, forgets about the parts where he kissed her a little too much and woke up a little too heated for his liking. He only tells her about the cooking dreams.

He doesn't talk about Nicolette kissing him, effectively violating and scarring him. He dreamt of Sophia in her place and he didn't sleep for a few days. Then he dreamt that it was Amy and he woke up sobbing and gagging.

He does talk about "Sophia's" hand in the hospital, which earns him a sympathetic, " _Oh, girl_ ," and Jake just wordlessly nods. That reaction is just about right.

He vehemently defends himself buying a ring because a) it was super cheap so it was fine and b) he was high. Nobody makes good decisions while high.

He conveniently forgets about the way he felt when Sophia was finally talking to him. How hope had swelled in his chest before she pulled out the ring. He was a dog on a leash, chasing after a bone on a treadmill. Always running towards an impossible goal.

Gina listens the entire time, even though she does have to get up to get her a big cup of coffee and him a cup of chamomile tea, something he knows she only buys for him even though they don't regularly hang out anymore.

"No offense," Gina says, like she does every time before she says something offensive, "But I kind of want to go all Hannibal on her."

"It's fine, Gina," Jake defends, "I should have talked about it to her earlier."

"Mmm, but ya said you did, kiddo."

"I should've tried harder."

"Girl, if we're gonna go that route, she should have too. Or like, at all."

Jake groans and takes another sip of his tea.

"It's my fault, Gina."

"You're a bad liar." is all she says. He does a double take.

"What?"

"You made it seem like Jaxon was no big deal. She didn't break up with you, so she kinda cheated on you, boo."

"I should have seen the signs."

"You know that's a stupid argument." Gina says, rolling her eyes. She whaps his shoulder. "Stop being an idiot. It's annoying."

"Yeah, well..."

He trails off.

"Well, what?" she asks.

"I wasn't exactly innocent either."

"Nobody's ever 100% innocent, kiddo," Gina says, "Except for me, because I have the face of angel, which means I practically am one."

She's carressing her face. Jake rolls her eyes and a smile tugs at his lips before it dissipates.

"I dreamt..." Jake trails off again, hating himself.

Gina rolls her eyes and whacks him again. "Hurry up."

"I dreamt of doing things with Amy. While I was still 'dating' Sophia."

"You dreamt of playing Lego with Amy? Scandalous."

"No, Gina, I dreamt of kissing her." Jake frustratedly huffs out, cheeks burning at his confession. "I dreamt of an _us_ with Amy."

"I hope that us doesn't include me."

Jake's getting genuinely agitated now. She isn't taking him seriously. He glares at her. She leans back and puts her hands in the air, setting her "Everything's Bigger in Texas" mug on the table. They both drew dicks on it two years ago.

"I just don't see what the big deal is."

"Me! Kissing Amy! While dating Sophia!"

Gina presses a finger to his lips. "And that's where you're wrong, my sad little chicken."

Jake just impatiently stares at her, waiting for her to get to her point.

"It was all just a dream," she wiggles her fingers in the air, "And sure, having wet dreams about some other woman while dating a woman is weird."

"They weren't wet–"

"Whatever you say, my wet little chicken."

Jake gives her a look of disgust.

"I'm pressed for time, girl, there's only so much effort I can put into nicknames before forgetting the point I was trying to make." Gina explains, also disappointed in herself. She continues, "But anyway, my point was, you dreaming about you and Amy doing a little cave diving? Doesn't excuse her cheating on you. Which, i.m.o, is worse than a few dreams sprinkled here and there."

Jake just frowns at her. He doesn't want to admit that she's right. Because she isn't. He could have tried harder. He thinks to mention that point to her again. About how stupid he'd been.

Instead, he just quietly mumbles, "Can I sleep on your couch?"

"My couch has always been free of charge for you. Provided this doesn't become a regular thing. I'm charging you if you stay over for a week."

"Thanks, Gina."

"Welc, my sister. I need sleep. Toodles."

•

Gina never denies that Jake had been a little bit stupid. She argues that he's an idiot, so of course he's going to be stupid. It oddly makes him feel a bit better.

She'd gone back to his old apartment for him to grab the rest of his stuff in multiple boxes, since he hadn't brought sufficient anything with him. He had brought two jackets, one flannel, five pairs of jeans, two photos of him and Sophia that Gina immediately stashed out of his sight, a singular Die Hard sock, two pairs of underwear and a picture of the squad that she put on her table. She'd probably give it back once he found a place to stay.

Jake was at the moment still tied down to his desk, so that was where he was staying right then. But like, for later. A long term thing.

Gina had drove Jake to the nine-nine, since one can only stay fake-sick for long.

Boyle was already chatting Jake's ear off while Gina tuned him out, sitting at her desk and checking Twitter.

Unfortunately, Boyle is loud. And Boyle was filling Jake in on everything he missed. _Everything_.

_@thefamousginalinetti tweeted: "i know i have a coffee migraine but i'm pretty sure i also have a people migraine rn."_

Ugh.

Now Amy was asking Jake how he was feeling.

Jake had already gone back into Normal Jake Mode, so he responded with the usual answer, not just a moody "fine."

"I'm breathing in the air of the precinct, Ames, I'm doing fantastic."

"I think that's feet juice you're smelling."

"And it's beautiful!"

Across the room, Hitchcock and Scully both nodded in approval.

Jake and Amy then fell into near-silence, whispering to each other. Gina watched the two of them not so subtly go into the evidence room, one after another, pretending as if they weren't super suspicious.

She sighed.

_@thefamousginalinetti tweeted: "kids these days."_


	2. I Should Have Loved You Earlier

Amy never really liked Sophia. And okay, she was a little biased since Sophia was dating the guy that she kind of wanted to go romantic stylez with (a little bit more than just _kind of._ But that wasn't the point.)

But she hadn't made a move and Sophia had. Amy wasn't allowed to feel any kind of contempt at Sophia just because she managed to do what Amy hadn't.

But she did. She was so, so jealous.

Jake never really talked much about anybody he dated, and in the beginning, Amy had just sort of assumed that it was because his idea of dating was what other people would call a one night stand. Turns out she was somewhat wrong. He hadn't really kept a steady relationship before, not that she'd heard of anyway, but he did like talking about Sophia, from what Amy gathered. So she heard bits and pieces about Sophia. Very, very few bits and pieces, but they were there.

He'd go so long without mentioning her or going out with her that Amy would begin wondering if they'd broken up. But then Jake would say something about her long hours or mention cleaning up the house for her (who was this man and what did he do with Jake?) and then Sophia would be reinstated in Amy's mind.

But honestly? Nothing Jake ever said about Sophia sounded all that great. Amy wasn't one to judge, she's had some bad relationships herself and this one of Jake's wasn't really any of her business, but Jake never said anything good about her.

He says things as if they're good things, but from what Amy's learned thus far, Sophia never makes any time for him. She knows that Jake eats an unhealthy amount of takeout because Sophia goes out with friends all the time.

Amy knows about the times that Jake had gushed about making Sophia a romantic dinner (not that he ever called it that) but then when asked about it the next day, he'd always have bags under his eyes and be noncommittal.

And this wasn't bags under eyes, noncommittal, just-had-sexy-times Jake. Amy's seen that Jake. This was sad, depressed, depressing Jake. It was her least favorite Jake. On those days, she'd find herself missing his smile, missing being able to look up from her desk to find his toothy smile grinning at her, instantly brightening her day. On those days, they worked in silence. Efficient and quiet.

He's talked about parking across the road like a dad afraid of embarrassing his teen daughter. He never mentions it seriously, just in a laughing-to-cover-up-the-fact-that-I'm-very-upset-right-now kind of way.

Amy just doesn't think someone should be treating someone the way it seems Sophia is treating him. Not that she voices these concerns.

It's none of her business.

_((but she wishes it was. She wishes that every part of Jake's life was a part that he could share with her. But Amy missed her chance. Sophia didn't.))_

•

Jake got shot.

Amy turns the corner to see Nicolette on top of him, lips pressed to his and her heart hammers in her chest. Amy rushes forward and tackles the previously distracted Nicolette to the ground.

Then Nicolette pulls out a gun and Amy's body moves before her mind does, trying to rip the gun out of her hands. This, she does, but not before Nicolette fires the gun twice, one bullet hitting Jake square in the stomach and it's Amy's fault.

If she had only been a little bit faster. But Jake is bleeding out in the doorway and Amy is still handcuffing Nicolette.

She has to drag both of them into the car, one unwilling and one just not conscious. She tries not to freak out about the amount of blood Jake is losing, tries to ignore Nicolette taunting her about how soft Jake's lips are and all Amy wants to say is _I know_.

Because she stares at his lips all the time. His kissable, beautiful lips that belong to Sophia.

Amy will never be jealous of a criminal like Nicolette. She will never be jealous of a girl that killed her ex, psychotically, while giving him a blowjob because he spent a little too much time at the shooting range. She will never be jealous of a rapist.

But another part of her also wants to kiss Jake, not like Nicolette did, not forced, but she wants to taste his sweet lips too. It's not fair that a psycho like Nicolette got to and Amy is still waiting her turn.

A turn that might never come, because she stepped off the ride before it got good.

Amy Santiago is an absolute idiot.

•

Sophia is absent.

The hospital tries calling but the number is inactive. Amy tries calling from Jake's phone but that one just goes straight to voicemail.

Amy thinks back to Jake talking about how very popular Sophia is and instantly, an image is being neatly sewn into Amy's mind. An image of Sophia partying and getting drunk while Jake is sitting in the hospital, nursing a bullet wound. On her side of things, the night sky is dreary and sad; greyer than usual and the lack of clouds only serving to push that empty feeling that Amy's been feeling since they got to the hospital. But maybe on Sophia's side, the night sky is bright and lively, navy blue and shimmering. Maybe Sophia and her friends are smiling just as bright as the stars.

On Amy's side, the stars are mocking her. She has half a mind to flip them off.

So instead of Sophia, Amy is sat, alone, in the hospital room as Jake's "wife."

Maybe it's better this way.

_((better that Sophia didn't show up to find the doctors referring to Amy as Jake's wife._

_Although, what would be even better is if Amy really was Jake's wife.))_

She notices his eyes flutter open before shutting again, the room too bright for his hazy eyes. Amy would get up to turn the light off, but her hand is in his, feeling his soft skin. For someone barely conscious, his grip is tight.

Jake smiles a little, but keeps his eyes closed. His lips quiver a little.

A few seconds later, he whispers, almost inaudible, "I love you."

It sounds more like _awuhuh_ but Amy gets his point. His drugged point. His super, super high point. Because he's high. On morphine. And also apparently unconscious again. She slips her hand from his, trying to forget the warm feeling that those three words her.

She wished she knew if he knew he was talking to her.

_((as it turns out, he didn't. So Amy tries to forget about that warm fuzzy feeling but every time Jake smiles at her, her heart melts._

_She doesn't understand why Sophia doesn't appreciate him like she would. Does. And will for as long as he allows.))_

•

Sophia never shows up to the hospital. Amy thinks Jake knows, and she feels her heart fall apart a little bit more at his understanding face. Understanding, but but in denial. Denying the fact that his girlfriend wouldn't show up to see him when he's in the hospital. Keeping up a charade. Or at least trying to.

When Jake gets sent back home, Amy drives him back to his apartment. She puts Taylor Swift's 1989 on just for him and he looks way too grateful for it. He's high though, so he does what he wants.

Speaking of which, he really is _totally_ high. _Super high_. She can tell because before they make it inside his apartment he grabs her face, grins at her for a few seconds too long before kissing her cheek. For no reason at all. Amy doesn't push him away. He just smiles all dopey-eyed and says to her, "I love you."

"I'm not Sophia."

"I know."

_((Amy's seen the YouTube videos. The ones with super high teenagers and/or adults high after the dentist. She's seen videos of them proposing to people on the street. She knows people who are high don't mean half the things they do._

_But that doesn't stop the flutter of her heart, endlessly hoping because maybe he really meant it._

_She squanders these hopes, because if Icarus shouldn't fly too close to the sun, she shouldn't fly straight towards it. There was no time for lusting over a man with a different woman. That only ever ends in heartbreak.))_

•

Amy visits him once while he's on leave. Once, because she has the overwhelming want to kiss him, on the lips, not the cheek. And this is a man in a relationship.

If he remembers telling her he loves her, he doesn't say. He doesn't say much of anything. Just sits on Sophia's couch while flipping through channels, but looking nowhere. Jake's definitely lost weight. His face looks gaunt and he hasn't showered.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine."

Nice going, Santiago, asking the most obvious question in the world. He's _obviously_ not fine. Go deeper than that.

"How's... the bullet?"

Good one.

"Fine."

He looks awful. Amy says as much. He slaps on a grin and makes some remark about how he's always looking great, _Ames, what are you talking about?_

Amy rolls her eyes and they go at each other for a little while longer before he disappears into himself again.

The apartment is filled with dust. It doesn't look lived in at all. For once, Amy is glad that she's allergic to dogs and not dust.

She leaves after a little while longer because he's stopped talking completely, only giving her soft grunts of _yes_ , _no_ and occasionally _I don't know_. It's worse than the monosyllabic Jake that Amy had walked in on, because now he's hardly making sound at all.

So she goes on her merry way. Wonders if Sophia's broken up with him yet.

Not that she wants that to happen.

Except that she kind of does. She wants Jake to be happy, but he isn't. Amy has never heard a single sentence about how great Sophia is. Not a valid one.

_((because saying "she works hard at work" doesn't mean anything in a relationship._

_She works hard at work but she doesn't work at all for her relationship with Jake. Amy hates Sophia for that.))_

•

When Jake comes back to the nine-nine, relegated to desk-work, he's back to being regular Jake. There's none of that sad, silent Jake that Amy had seen at his apartment.

He comes through the elevator with Gina, who's already ignoring the world around her. While Gina just walks past all of them to slide into her chair, Boyle and Jake interact like usual, talking about the precinct. Everything is usual. Ordinary.

Until Jake drops his voice and asks to see her in the evidence room. He goes first and Amy waits three and a quarter minutes exactly until she follows after him, so as to not raise suspicion.

She carefully closes the door behind her, taking mind of the noise. She turns to Jake and thinks of what to say. They've quarantined themselves in silence, both unsure of what to say.

Amy needs something casual, yet questioning. Serious, but not too serious that Jake thinks that she thinks something really bad happened, because something probably didn't. But just in case, Amy can't be too chill about it. She has to say something versatile.

"What's up?"

Nailed it.

Jake wipes his hands on his jeans. He looks like he's going to say something else, but then he just goes for it. "Sophia and I broke up."

Oh.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She's not entirely sure where to go with this conversation now. Should she pry? Would he appreciate that?

Hesitantly, she asks, "Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

Jake somehow looks even more nervous than he did before. He stuffs his hands into his jean pockets. Licks his lips.

Amy stares at said lips. Glances up at Jake, realizes that he's staring at hers.

_Oh._

She takes a step forward, lessening the space between them. He steps towards her too so that their bodies are nearly touching. He wraps his hands around her waist, she wraps hers around his neck. Their foreheads touch.

"I want to kiss you." he says.

"Oh," Amy replies smartly, a little breathless, "Okay."

And they do.

It's like a dream. Amy deepens the kiss and Jake stiffens. She pulls back from the kiss to look at him. He's gone red and now they're both breathless. He apologizes and stammers through an explanation.

Amy thinks of Nicolette.

Oh.

Amy stammers through an apology of her own and Jake shuts her up with another kiss. Amy lets him take the lead and she thinks to herself, _I could stay like this forever._

They can't, because they both need to breathe; they're like fish crashing back down into the ocean after finding beautiful freedom in the air. Amy doesn't know if this will last or what it even means, but for the first time, she doesn't care.

Because she right now, she has Jake. Jake, whose lips taste like vanilla. Jake, who doesn't belong to her, but wants her as she wants him. Jake, who's sweet and funny and wonderful. Jake, who's going to kiss her over and over and over again.

Screw you, Nicolette.

_((and Sophia, too.))_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyyy the ending!! I meant for this to be longer but this felt like a good end point and the continuation just didn't feel right.
> 
> also, for the record, I actually love Sophia and don't think she'd ever realistically do this in the show, but I had a plot bunny and I just really wanted to write it.
> 
> hope y'all enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi!! hope y'all enjoyed. don't know where all of this came from, but it happened, so...
> 
> the finale should be up sometime in the next few days
> 
> i binged b99 in three days and i didn't sleep and it was glorious. i don't promise any other fics, but there are definitely other fics.
> 
> for those of y'all that have read I Like Her, i'm also trying to write another fic for what i'm hoping to become a series but i'm not happy with the current ideas i have so y'all are gonna be stuck with some b99 angst for a bit lol sorry
> 
> old username: mostlyforattention  
> find me on tumblr! @motherbucker


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